Friday Hate: 3/13

Back with another edition of Friday Hate. Sure it's Sunday, but are you really going to bust my balls? You are? Then add yourself to this list, fucktaster.

This week's topic? Anyone who drives cars.

This includes you. And me. All of us. Since this topic fills me with white-hot rage, I'm just going to do bullet points, because having to think about this too long would make me point bullets. At you.

Wordplay. Brilliant.

I hate the fuckers who camp out for parking spots, clogging up the lanes, and just being assholes. Sometimes these people will wait up to ten minutes for a spot, just because they see someone get in a car.

I hate people who drive BMWs and Mercedes, because mot of them act like they can do whatever they want, and just because their car is nicer than mine, and they don't have to buy anti-fungal lotion every week, that they're better than me.

I hate people who refuse to make a mistake while driving. This means the people who realize they are in the right lane and need to make a left hand turn, and instead of being a normal human being an just turning around the block, they stop, put on their fucking signal, and disrupt not one (the lane they're in), not two (the lane next to them, for people going straight), but three (the left turn lane). These people are the patron saints of making it all about themselves.

I hate people who park across two spots, know they did it, but don't care. I was in a parking lot the other day, and a gentleman did this. He got out of the car, looked at how he was parked, and just kept walking into the store. How can you consider yourself any sort of decent person and do this? If I had balls I would have ran up to him and asked him that question, but I didn't feel like getting shot (after all, the dude was black).

I hate people who are in too much of a goddam hurry. I was at a red light, about five cars back, and I was the last car in front of the right hand turn lane. And some cunt came up behind me and starting honking, and I edged as close to the car in front of me as I could, so she could squeak by. This crusty bitch gave me the stink-eye of all stink-eyes. The car behind her waited for me to move forward before getting in the right hand turn lane, and you want to know the elapsed time between the first car and the second car taking a right at the intersection. Ten fucking seconds. God, I hate people.

A can feel my blood pressure rise just thinking about this, so I'll wrap it up. Like I've said to a handful of lucky ladies, sorry for the shortness of this one, I'll try and do better next time.