A guide to Christmas Music

Ah, Christmas. Noel. Yule time. Big.........snowy.

That time is here again, and it's time to spend time with family, enjoy the simple pleasures, and imagine what could have been if those dirty Jews hadn't killed Jesus.

But that's besides the point. The best part about Christmas is the music. So I'm here for you, the loyal reader, to show you the best of the Christmas music that is out there.

Elvis Christmas

A great compilation featuring 1957's Christmas Album and 1971's The Wonderful World of Christmas, this is a must-have for any fan of Christmas and music. The album opens with the underrated "Santa's Back in Town," a bluesy stomp of a Christmas song that makes me want to beat the shit out of the Easter Bunny. The album covers traditional Christmas standards, and gets towards the Gospel side of Elvis in the middle. That's not my favorite Elvis, but it's appropriate. If you don't weep for mankind when you hear Elvis sing "The First Noel" then you do not have a soul. It's that simple.



Christmas With the Beach Boys

If there was a single popular music group to put together a dynamite version of "Auld Lang Syne," it was the Beach Boys. Their version of the traditional New Year's song is downright heavenly.

Hopefully, Coca-cola hasn't ruined "Little Saint Nick" for you with their soul-crushing marketing, because it is literally one of the best Christmas songs ever.

Add standards such as "White Christmas," "Merry Christmas Baby," and the completely underplayed "We Three Kings of Orient Are" and you've got audio sex.



Christmas Island

This is Jimmy Buffett's Christmas Album. Jimmy Buffett is the artist that you only need one album from: his greatest hits. Play it in the summer, drink tequila, fuck some bitch that doesn't treat you right, it's all good.

Well make that two. You must own this CD. His version of "Jingle Bells" is phenomenal. He breaks it down with the soul singers and steel drums, and it sounds great.

The title song is also good, and he's got a few other originals on there that are pretty good.

A cover of John Lennon's "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" puts this one over the top.



Christmas on Death Row



Need I say more?

Bonus tracks:

"Christmas in Hollis" by Run DMC.



"Christmas With the Devil" by Spinal Tap.