Racism and creamed coffee: a tasty brew

Race relations are no laughing matter. Well, okay, sometimes they are. Dave Chappelle is funny, Mississippi Burning, not so much.

This story falls somewhere in the middle.

Last weekend, a friend of mine that I hadn't seen since high school was in town, and we decided to go out to a bar. My friend is half black, half asian. Blasian as some would say.

So we went to a bar, had some beers and some shots and some beers, shot some pool, then decided to call it a night. So as we are piling in the car, (I'm not driving, thank goodness), I said:

"Alright niggas, let's roll."

That got a decent laugh from everyone in the car, then my black-asian friend said, "Yeah man, except, how about you don't use that word."

I quickly apologized, and he said he was cool with it, but "it's just not my favorite word."

Understood, and I guess that was the end of it.

But funny things happen as the recycling bin gets full of green bottles. Inhibitions are lowered, and formerly taboo topics become issues that must be hashed out before the night is over.

So, as we were talking, a lull came upon the conversation, which I then filled with,

"Hey man, sorry about dropping the n-bomb earlier, but you know, I have a hard time thinking of you as a black guy."

Wow. Talk about awkward. As the eye around the circle got wider, my friend laughed and asked why that is.

And that's when I told him. I said, "Well, you see, you're not darker than creamed coffee, so it's hard to think of you as a black dude."

See? The creamed coffee test.

Then he was like, "I am so darker than creamed coffee." He so isn't.

We then got into a large discussion that may or may not have evolved into me actually making a pot of coffee, and putting my normal amount of creamer into it. After holding it next to his face, and then helping him put ointment on the burns, we finally came to a conclusion.

It turns out that he likes to put milk and creamer into his coffee, while I am usually satisfied with mere Vanilla Caramel flavored Coffeemate.

So let that be a lesson to you: People are different. They have different skin colors and they like their coffee different ways.

And if you don't like coffee? Then you're a filthy racist, and go fuck yourself.