Friday Hate: 7/31

This week marks glorious return to Friday Hate

Wedding rings.

For a guy in his mid twenties that is looking to bang every attractive piece of trim that comes across his path, there's nothing worse than seeing a wedding ring.

I would rather see an open, herpetic sore than see a wedding ring, because at least a sore means there's a good chance she'll bang you in some sort of closet/bathroom/phone booth.

A note to all you single ladies out there: avoid rings at all costs. It's just a turn-off, and no one wants to risk being that jackass that hits on a chick that is married.

At least with a boyfriend you have an excuse, because there's no instant boyfriend indicator like there is a wedding ring.

Side note: you chicks who have boyfriends that don't always come with you to parties or live in a another town, make that clear as soon as I start talking to you. There's nothing that pisses me off more than spending a party making inane conversation and pretending you're actually a funny girl (which don't exist), only to have you casually drop the phrase, "my boyfriend" at 3 a.m.

That shit is fucking infuriating.

I was at a party a few months ago, and spend the entire time talking with this bitch. We played shitty ass drinking games, like 'thumper' and I listened her talk about the stupid-ass degree she was chasing which would not have any practical application in the real world. Only, since I was trying to hit that, I was like, "Oh yeah, cultural anthromorphology, that's so interesting. Tell me, what does the inside of the zipper on my pants tell you about me?"

And of course, as the party is winding down, I find myself with her alone in the living room, trying to desperately close the deal, and the 25 beers I drank working against me in every way.

I comment on some movie that's sitting on the coffee table (I think it was Ghostbusters) and I go, "that's a great movie, the second one isn't bad too."

"Oh, I haven't seen that one, though I've always wanted to," she said.

Sensing the opening for a late night movie (read: genitals) showing, I say, "Oh, well, I've got it at my place if you ever want to watch it."

She comes back with, "Oh, that would be cool. My boyfriend says it's a great flick. His name is Chip, you would really like him."

BITCH. I WOULD NOT FUCKING LIKE HIM. IN FACT, I FUCKING HATE HIM.

Really? She couldn't have mentioned that five MOTHERFUCKING hours ago?

But there was no wedding ring.

The only thing that's worse than a wedding ring is chicks who don't wear them, then drop the h-bomb when I'm already committed.

I met a girl a few weeks ago, she was hot, and seemed to be digging the conversation. About half an hour in, she drops the "husband" bomb, and I got the fuck out of there.

To recap, I hate wedding rings, or chicks that are married that don't wear wedding rings, or chicks with boyfriends. Basically, I hate any chick that has a legitimate excuse for not boning me.

I also hate the chicks that have no excuse, but still don't bone me.

Well, that about covers the entire female species. I hate all you cunts. Prove me wrong.