Winter Sucks

Winter sucks. Can we all just admit it? Unless you like skiing (in which case, you've got a whole other set of issues), winter never did nothing good for nobody.

The Donner Party? Ask them how they like winter. Oh, I don't know, it only made them get trapped and they were forced to eat members of their own family.

Ghandi? I'm pretty sure he died in a blizzard. Either that or shot, I can never remember.

Go fuck yourself, Jack Frost

Among many of my controversial stances (pro-hatred, pro-violence, anti-tolerance) is pro-Global Warming. Seriously, how awesome would it be if the entire world was like Florida?

People from colder climates already flock to Florida and other tropical destinations during the winter, why not save everyone a whole lot of time and energy?

Aside from a few hippie ski-bums, no one would mind.

Here's a list of things that blow about winter:
- No sandals. Who the fuck wants to put on shoes and socks if you're just running out to the grocery store? Faggots, thats who.
- No sunroof weather. How am I supposed to get fired up when blasting my mix CD of every single cover of "I Drove All Night" when it's 40 degrees out? Side note: A list of the best versions of that awesome song.
1. Cyndi Lauper
2. Roy Orbison
3. Celine Dion
- The morning. When it's all cold in the morning, it is miserable getting out of bed. I have enough trouble finding the will to drag my sorry ass out of bed in the morning anyways, without it being cold. On a cold morning, there's nothing better than relaxing in the post-morning masturbation afterglow under warm (and sticky) sheets.
- The afternoon. What's nice about working in a small building is that I have to leave it to do almsot anything except go to the bathroom. And on a stressful day at the ol' orifice, there's noting better than stepping outside for a few rays of sunshine and some fresh air. Except when it's fucking 45 degrees out, and the wind is so cold it makes your nose bleed (well, maybe the years of cocaine abuse have something to do with it)!
- The night. Where to begin. The night starts too goddam early, it's too goddam cold, and forget about any possibility of a naked evening constiutional. Not unless I want the nickname, 'inchworm.' How am I supposed to impress the nonexistent MILFs that live near me? You tell me that!

In conclusion: winter sucks, global warming rules, and I am extremely well endowed. Amen.